I was shouting at my computer screen last night, as you do. I was shouting in particular at a nice lady GP advertising No Smoking Day on Youtube. I was shouting at her because in amongst the sound, logical advice she was giving she was also spouting much bollocks. It occurred to me to question why this nice lady was fibbing and I wondered if it was me that was wrong and it was her that was naturally supplying the factual data.

She said, “nicotine is more addictive than Heroin.” Well. If you do any basic research you’ll find it’s not. There’s plenty of apocryphal, “I found it harder to quit smoking than quit Heroin” sort of data but quitting smoking is not quitting nicotine. One nil to me.

She said quitting using the NHS meant you were “four times more likely” to succeed than going it alone. Well the last time I looked the ASA had ruled this as misleading (‘cos it was a big fib) and the NHS were no longer allowed to say it on anything covered by the ASA.

Of course on youtube or their website they can pretty much say anything. Two nil to me.

Now I couldn’t imagine that this GP was consciously telling porkies so it must be policy that is making her do so. Why would the NHS want to stress how hard quitting is, how addictive is nicotine and how good their quitting services are when the exact opposite is true?

Similarly, on public discussion forums, why do the NHS always belittle quitting methods such as Allen Carr, Cold Turkey or Hypnotherapy despite them being just as, if not more effective as the methods that the NHS do advocate?

If I liked a good conspiracy I’d say they didn’t really want us to quit after all?

Everyone laughs at the 9 billion raised in duty compared to the 1 billion spent treating smokers but surely it can’t be as simple as that?

Playing devil’s advocate and coming up with a plan to keep people smoking yet appearing to do something about it produces what we have at the moment.

Tell smokers it’s hard to stop.

Recommend a method that doesn’t work.

Advertise lots.

Rake in the cash.

In these times of austerity the government should really be encouraging everyone to take up the habit, it’s a financial no-brainer.

You’re far from alone.
Most of us wore the rose-tinted smoking goggles and made cigarettes such a major part of our day to day existence that any life without them seemed unpleasant and pretty pointless.
When I reviewed my own smoking habit some glaring facts appeared, I smoked ‘cos I was bored, hungry, alone or because it’s that time of day when I always smoked.
My typical routine was sort of:
Wake up, downstairs, kitchen, kettle, coffee – FAG.
Shower, dressed, feed dogs – FAG
Drop boy at school then drive to work – FAG
Arrive at work, kettle, outside – FAG
2nd coffee – FAG
Mid morning, coffee – FAG
Late morning, coffee – FAG
Drive home for lunch – FAG
Finish lunch – FAG
Drive Back to Work – FAG
Afternoon coffee – FAG etc etc etc

If I sat in front of the PC in an evening I’d light one fag off the other.
If I watched TV I’d go outside for a fag at every commercial break.
If I was driving a distance with the family in the car I’d smoke when we stopped. If I was driving alone I’d smoke continually.

Everyone has a different pattern but usually it’s blindingly obvious that most cigarettes are smoked because that’s when they’re always smoked or the opportunity is there to smoke them. Each of us perfects their own habit to their own style and similarly we all have to learn the way to break our own habit.

Once I realised that I wasn’t smoking just to get nicotine my quit determination went ballistic but the after effects of years of poison in my bloodstream also needed to be dealt with.

We quit smoking in the sub-conscious. Some need a little help to combat the after effects of the cessation of the poison we’ve willingly consumed in each and every smoke but that’s the easy bit of quitting. The hard bit is convincing yourself that you don’t want to smoke now you’ve just got off the bus for example. The brain says it’s fag time and you need to persuade it that it isn’t.

If you remember that cravings are your brain telling you there’s a smoking opportunity here and you haven’t lit a fag, they’re not nicotine withdrawal.
The withdrawal from nicotine is a brief low-level fever type feeling that you can wean off using patches or similar but is only an uncomfortable weekend if you don’t.

It might seem like a mountain to climb when almost every task you undertook during the day was closely followed by a ciggie but if you can appreciate that a non-smoker has all the same stresses in life and performs the same tasks as a smoker yet successfully faces them without the crutch then you’re already lacing up your climbing boots and putting on your helmet.
If you can see that the only stress a fag actually relieves is the stress of wanting a fag then you’ve one hand firmly on the rope.
Once it clicks that non-smokers have just as much fun out on the razz as smokers do but they don’t stink you’re off and climbing.

So many of us reached the summit and then realised it was more of a casual stroll with the dog than a mountain climb and we arrived looking comically overdressed.